Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Day 5 - I am scared

It is day 5, a short post this morning because I have lots a nice chilled things to do, including my relaxation class this morning at the FORCE centre. I am looking forward to my visit there as I will be in a place that understands me and my illness and I suppose a feeling of safety.

It is has finally, after 5 days hit home that I am fighting and battling for my life. I woke up today and realised this is it, the most important fight of my life begins today and one I have to win - F"*k !

I have been living in a denial for a few days with the pain of the tonsil but as that goes away the realisation drifts away the facts are plain, what happens in the next 24 hours, then the next 6 months are bottom line life threatening.

From 2 months ago a life which had found a spiritaul hapiness and a new career and home to a life which another force is trying to rip away from me and my children and my friends. Now that is scarey, I have to face my own mortality and it is staring back at me.

I wish I could write something witty, funny, scarcastic, but hey this morning it is hard, so hence only the short blog entry so that I can write something more lucid and upbeat later.


battypatty said...


marta said...

Hi my darling, You are fighting for your life,thats the bottom line. But we are all in your corner, we all love and care about you, we will be there when needed. The medical profession will be giving you the best they have. This battle is going to be won by you,through determination, positive thought, and the friendship and love of us all.

mazzagee said...

Facing your mortality could be your most uplifting experience.
Rather than turn away from it staring at you, look at it positively; realise that it can be your strength to pull through whatever this illness throws at you.
You have not changed lives only found that you have been given a different challenge to the one you might have expected.
It is a shock this morning because it is the first step you have to take after getting on the bus. There will be many more steps along the way, each step will be different but will still take you along the same road and that is the road you have to travel in order to be able to get off the bus.
All of life is a journey, some paths are happy and some sad but in some degree or other everyone has to travel their own road.
Sharing your journey with others is only going to enhance your life.
I wish you enough strength to encompass the whole experience and then you might find a joy you never new before.

Big Ron A said...

Any chance of you getting me a ticket for the champions league final, because you semm to be able to get tickets for anything

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you everyday. Take care and be strong.