Friday, March 31, 2006

2 days to go

It is only 6.3 miles, and yes driving the car to Leeds airport I picked up landmarks and measured them. The Humber Bridge, bloody hell there is a sign saying 6 miles and I can hardly see it.

It did help having an email from Cancer Research telling me that the entries were closed for Powderham and pehaps I might consider the Autumn 10k races. This was a get out of jail free card I could still do the race in October and people would not feel let down or juped.

Still no idea what I am going to do, 4 years ago 10k would of been nothing a normal training run, today it feels life and death.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

3 Days to go

Just back from 30 mins and boy does it hurt, what do I do with gift aid I have over five hundred quid raised what do I do?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

4 days and counting

It is four days to my run.
Today was not a good day, it transpires that the job offer and 2 weeks in Lowestoft then to Bournemouth turned out to be 3 months in Lowestoft and no chance of working in Dorset.
It was quite a blow, the chance to be close to my kids and even have them 2 nights at the weekend was blown. I have got use to up and downs but not prepared these days to put up with crap. I am my children are the most important things in my life and my aim is to be working back in Devon within the next 12 months.

It was good however the two faces I could see when I said no thanks to Lowestoft was Will and Ellen. Cancer has changed my priorities whether it is 6 months, 16 months or 6 years I have left here they will come first. I think that is why I feel sometimes I am destined to be single.

I had one thing in the World, I hate, Cancer, I fucking hate it. It is like a predator that sneaks up to every waking day. You park it but it reminds you when your sleeping, drinking, eating, walking, siting, and running. I need to run to help those never go through the pain.

I had a long discussion with Sarah tonight who said that people would not think bad of me if I pull out of the CR race on Sunday. I must admit I felt stressed, tired and certainly no fit shape to run 10k.

I have been thinking hard all day one to sleep on.



Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Denver Clinch

Fact of the day: 27% of women in Congo have Aids that is 760000 women; , 40 % of women. The country is too poor to buy antiviral drugs at a cost of £100 million, £100 billion the cost so far to the World of the Iraq war in military and rebuilding costs! Nice one Tony!

It maybe early but the man sitting opposite me on the train is called "Denver Clinch" well that what it says on his name badge. He proudly displays his name badge as an employee of Transpennine Express Railway Company. Denver Clinch could be one of those names that rugger club lads make up, you know like "Mike Hunt" work that one out yourself.
I am en-route to Grimsby, alas at Manchester Airport it is the only destination missed off Transpennine Express advertisement embellished at every opportunity throughout the airport. It is not even advertised on those head high adverts above the urinals that have developed in recent years from the "Happy Driver" range of Motorway service stations offering you the opportunity to purchase new car number registration plates. The one thing I am sure the happy marketers in their "apprentice" style suits and egos forgot to work out that whilst you were reading their stupid adverts you are weeing on your foot!

Doh, you’re fired!

I spent the weekend with my treasures, loves and angels. Of course my children are my treasures and loves, but hey like any other 4 and 7 year old they are certainly no angels. I like that, it is how they learn right from wrong and how they develop as brother and sister. Of course they drive me crazy, they drive their mother crazy but so what I am sure I did with mine. Although I had nothing to do with the sectioning of my mother under the mental health act, do not laugh it is a true story!

I now fully appreciate how hard bringing up children is and what challenges they present. I am under no illusions that they are at you all the waking hours even when they find their own space it is difficult to switch off. Their mum is a martyr to the cause of motherhood. I have no time for "fathers for justice" and other such groups many of who attempt to play the victim in their relationship breakdown. For years, centuries the male race through macho dogma and violence has gone around swaggering it’s testosterone fuelled passion raping, pillaging, beating and disowning their responsibilities of fatherhood.

Many mothers have been left alone with children, without house, money or a chance whilst seeds were sown or some other poor faceless women has adopted the burden of these selfish men. History is littered with horror stories about man’s brutality to women, and we all single mums now left in abstract poverty by irresponsible men whilst their lives are rekindled and disown their own flesh and blood.

Of course life is not all one way and of course a minority of men have been and will be victims but alas it is the price our race has to pay for the horror, brutality and downright selfish behaviour of the male species since life began.

Keep attacking

Monday, March 27, 2006

Trebles all round!

Fact of the day: £1.25 million given by CEO of Capita to the Labour party, £1 billion the estimated value of government contracts awarded to Capita last year. Say no more squire!

If I were a sixty six year old athlete with a passion for bus travel and champagne I would be rejoicing today at the news from the chancellor that we would be better off. I wasted sixty minutes of Gordon Brown delivering his budget speech and realised I did not understand a bloody word he said.

I was waiting for news on my pension, I have a self invested pension which I can access early plus the lump sum £12.50p after April 6th. I was trying to ensure that Gordon did not lop off my opportunity to retire early on my pension of £3000 per annum! The penison things does not inspire me, but all I know is that it is an asset and it is mine!

I had some good news today that I will move on from my lofty pitch here on the banks of the River Humber and relocate to the Wash, well Suffolk for my next assignment, which fortunately FLYBE locost airline, an oxymoron there somewhere, operate to Norwich international airport. I have been working in Grimsby for the last 4 months, it is no paradox, it is called Grimsby, after all you can still buy a three bed roomed house here under £80k.

The people are great, I work in an all woman office, it refreshing to work in a enviornment which is not challenging, caring and fun.

It will be sad to leave Graet Grimsby as I wanted to prove I could work again. I am pleased to say the answer is yes and how rewarding is that.

Keep attacking!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Just give me your F*c*?ng money

I would like to take this opportunity to thank those who have sponsored me, with just 6 days to go I need your help to raise just £140. This will mean that I have raised with gift aid over £500 which is amazing considering just 8 months I would have never considered being ever able to run again.

I know money is tight but just £2 will go a long way to helping eradicating this horrid illness and gives others a prolonged life with familiy and friends.

On Sunday April 2nd 2006 I will running Cancer Research's "race for life" 10k, at Powderham Castle, Starcross, Devon.After my struggles to combat and beat mouth cancer in 2005 widely documented in my online blog "The Ferryman's column" It is the least I can do to raise just £500 for vital cancer research in a race in my own village. I am 8 months out of horrifying cancer treatment which will affect my life for ever.

I am using justgiving a well known charity website where the money goes directly to cancer research. I am nearly there with £300 collected and over £75 in gift aid all I need is an extra £125 in sponsorship to push me over the £500. Donating through this site is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor me: Cancer Research UK will receive your money faster and, if you are a UK taxpayer, an extra 28% in tax will be added to your gift at no cost to you.

You can donate online at:

Many thanks for your support.

Nigel "Ferryman" Gooding

Friday, March 17, 2006

St Patrick's Day - 12 months today

Fact of the day: 600 hours parliamentary time spent on fox hunting, 6 hours spent on the invasion of Iraq - nuff said!

12 months ago today I was leaning against my neck and found a lump, you know the rest.

This week has been very strange, it started badly with a sharp stabbing pain in my left shoulder which contorted with pain. I was locked for 30 minutes just unable to move, muscular I think but who knows. I was in Paris feeling helpless miles away from the safety of the Royal Devon & Exeter Hospital. An internal pain comes and you feel the worse, it maybe muscular but we do not have x ray vision.

My trip to France was tinged with sadness, my ex partner told me that she was dating again before I left. We had a long chat and I gave her the benefit of my wisdom. I wished her luck. Why should she not date after I have and do, it was just the stark realisation that closure was taking place on a period in my life.

In the last 12 months I have been close to closure, my death, other peoples deaths, people died overnight in the ward I was in, alas closure became clinical, but not this closure because of course it involved the most important 2 people in my life, William and Ellen. I wish I tried harder in my relationship, I wish I had not realized I was doing too much and walking away by, stealth from the family I loved so much. I wish I never ran ever ran a recruitment company or became involved with Dawlish Town and wish I had the courage to stay and work it out. It maybe the past but boy it still hurts and now it is closed and I need to move on. My one regret in life.

I can count my lucky stars that I have had 12 months extra life, when the odds are 2-1 against me living 5 years. I have become a better person, realising the strengths and qualities I have, be quixotic about life and death and alas more selfish about me.

There are some good things I have virtually given up drinking, wine burns my mouth, it is like drinking battery acid, my tongue sets on fire and my left gum expands with the pain and the heat. As for beer, some does the same, I may have the odd pint of guniness but my drinking days are history. This week I have been beating myself up about the causes of my cancer, was it the drink, smoking pubs, or just bad luck.

Life moves on for me I have no idea, all I know is that I have 2 days with my children this weekend and nothing makes me smile more.

Keep attacking

The Ferryman

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Cancer research 10k

On Sunday April 2nd 2006 I will running Cancer Research's "race for life" 10k, (6.25 miles) at Powderham Castle, Stacross, Devon.

After my struggles to combat and beat mouth cancer in 2006 widely documented in "The Ferryman's column" It is the least I can do to raise just £100 for vital cancer research in a race in my own village.

Donating through this site is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to sponsor me: Cancer Research UK will receive your money faster and, if you are a UK taxpayer, an extra 28% in tax will be added to your gift at no cost to you.

So please sponsor me now if we raise just £72 through gift aid we will have raised £100. This will help others hopefully never have to go through the horror of cancer.

Many thanks for your support.

Nigel "Ferryman" Gooding